Taking the Seat:

Yesterday on my way home on the horrid, packed 8 Halsted bus I heard a very nice young man about 13 offer a woman probably in her mid twenties his seat. Her prompt response" oh no, I'm fine, thanks. I didn't hear what he said back but I think he tried to insist but she cut him off saying, no, no it's fine, don't be a gentleman. I can stand." What!!!! "Don't be a gentleman" I have a little tip for all my fellow women riding the bus: when a man offers you his seat while on public transportation. Shalina recommends: taking the damn seat! I admit in the past I also have been guilty of the thanks, but no thanks but no more. It is my belief that half the friction between the two genders stems from unclear boundaries. Should he pay? Should I do the reach? Will she be offended if I open the door? I mean this is too much. I'm all for equal pay for equal rights, etc., etc. However it is okay to let a man make a small sacrifice for the fairer gender, that is how they are biologically wired and what they should be doing. If a man whom you have no romantic affiliations wants to: offer you his seat, open the door, or show some other small gesture of chivalry. Let him. And respond with a smile and a thank you. But for goodness sake by no mean utter the words "don't be a gentlemen. I'm fine" Especially when he is only a 13 or 14 years old. He is probably just trying to practice the manners him mom is trying to instill in him. And now you've negated it all, with your haughty,independent, defiant, I am a woman and don't need special treatment retort. Beware 10 years from now when you are pregnant, with swollen ankles, a bladder that is about to burst, seething because all you want to do is sit instead of holding onto those wholly inadequate loops that barely keeps you from flying to and fro, and you are wondering why that seemingly nice gentleman is avoiding eye contact, reading his WSJ and NOT promptly jumping up to offer you his seat. Please know it is all your fault!* Because for the past ten years you and all your comrades have been telling him "I'm fine, don't be a gentleman. I can stand." Each time making it a little more less likely that he will offer because all he wanted was the aforementioned smile, thank you, and that little swell you get in your heart when you do something nice for a stranger. Instead you rejected his help. His masculine offer. And now he believes what you've told him. He doesn't have to help you, you don't want it so you and all the rest of us stand and seethe while he sits.

*Okay it's not all your fault. I am not going to add to the blame the women for everything argument. So sorry for that little outburst.